Couples Counseling
Do you want to improve your relationship or perhaps you are experiencing relationship distress with endless and escalated conflict? Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method Couples Therapy Approach I will help you:
*Map the underlying negative cycles of fighting and disconnection
*Learn how to communicate with each other and really hear one another
*Create and restore safety in your marriage or relationship
*Reignite sexual intimacy
*Learn how to enjoy each others company again
*Restore Hope
If you are unsure about couples counseling, I also offer discernment counseling (Keep scrolling for that section).
Why Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
- This model is the gold standard in terms of empirical support on its effectiveness (up to 70% recovery rate https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-relationships/202101/the-most-effective-couples-therapy-far ).
- It targets the roots of the emotional bond and naturally leads to enhanced communication.
- It doesn't take sides. We work on the process that allows for you both to find a solution to problems (its not me telling you who is right or wrong).
- Other couple therapy approaches have a low rate of long term success.
- It creates the groundwork for healing relationship trauma's such as infidelity.
Get to Know Me. Short Video I made in Grad School on EFT.
Discernment Counseling or Relationship Direction Counseling
(An Alternative to Couples Counseling)
*I follow a similar process to that which Doherty created.
Experiencing turbulence in your marriage often leads to a pivotal juncture in your life. It's a crossroads fraught with questions like:
What's the best course of action for our relationship?
Is this marital unrest a temporary phase or a more profound crisis?
Am I ready to put effort into mending things?
How can I ensure that my decision is the best one for me, or for both of us?
Are there any unseen issues that I've overlooked?
Is my partner truly capable of changing?
Is it fair to demand change from them if it contradicts their true self?
How will our children be impacted? Would a troubled marriage or a divorce serve them better?
Have I fully understood the implications of a divorce?
Deciding whether to stay married or divorce involves navigating through a complex labyrinth of considerations that can be overwhelming even for the most discerning of individuals.
Such a monumental decision can lead to self-doubt, overthinking, and in some cases, even depression. It may provoke you to make a hasty decision just to escape the torment of uncertainty.
For those trapped in this indecisiveness, discernment counseling can serve as a lifeline.
The Two-Sided Nature of Traditional Marriage Counseling
Traditional marriage counseling can indeed be beneficial if both partners are equally committed to working on their relationship. For it to work, it is a demanding journey, spanning many months, where both partners need to learn and employ new insights and skills to reform their relationship. The commitment must be unwavering; if one partner hesitates from the onset, it might cripple the process. If one partner does not engage in shifting perspectives, it will stall the progress.
Individual Therapy: A Partial Solution
One partner might choose to undergo therapy alone. While this could positively influence the marriage dynamic, it's often insufficient. The roots of the issue usually extend deep into the dynamic the couple has established over the years, and breaking the harmful patterns often requires a concerted effort. Further, some individual approaches can work against the relationship with rigid boundaries that do not allow the risk reach reassure process that is essential for restoring a love bond.
The Path of Discernment Counseling
If you find yourself uncertain about the future of your marriage, discernment counseling could be the answer. Its primary objective is not to fix your marital issues, but to determine if they are fixable. From there you can proceed on one of three paths:
Path One: Maintaining the Status Quo - This is the path of inaction or continuation of the marriage as it currently stands. In this scenario, the couple decides not to make any drastic changes and to continue with their current patterns of interaction.
Path Two: Separation/Divorce - This path involves deciding to end the marriage. It's chosen when one or both partners feel they cannot continue in the relationship and believe the healthiest choice for them is to separate or divorce.
Path Three: Commitment to Change - This is the path of reconciliation and active work on the marriage. Here, both partners decide to commit to a structured and intensive process of couples therapy, often for a specified period, to try and resolve their issues and rebuild their relationship. This path typically involves ongoing couples therapy and requires both partners to actively engage in change.
Unlike traditional marriage counseling, which generally aims to salvage the marriage, discernment counseling concentrates on helping couples decide their relationship's future.
Discernment counseling offers:
A structured assessment process, not treatment
A predetermined time, typically less than five sessions
A chance to slow down, take a broader view of your marriage, and consider a wider range of choices
An opportunity to get unstuck and move forward
A focus on key areas each spouse needs to address, providing clear direction for future therapy
A question to ponder: "Are you willing to work on changing your contributions to the marriage?"
A set time to reflect on the issues and choose 1. the Status Quo, 2. to work on the Marriage, 3. to proceed with Divorce.
If both partners state they want to proceed with marriage counseling, they can proceed with intense work on their marriage. After six months, they revisit the 3 pathways to ensure movement rather than staying in an endless cycle that inevitably leads to divorce but is prolonged by the status quo or marriage counseling that has not led to a trajectory of changes that is positive.
Even if one spouse decides to end the marriage after five sessions, the process of reviewing the marriage's history and exploring the behaviors that led to the divorce can be beneficial. This reflective process can help you move into future relationships without residual guilt.
Discernment counseling provides a supportive environment, helping both partners make movement to work on the marriage or proceed to divorce rather than remain in a negative relationship that usually, after years, leads to divorce (grey divorce).
Additionally, couples who choose to work on their marriage post-discernment counseling will have identified key areas in the relationship and for each spouse to address, directing future therapy to effect personal and relational changes.
